Dear god
I know you have been
watching me play the role I am allotted by the circumstances that was beyond my
control. I know whatever I have done so far is an act you loathe. I also know
that whatever I have done is a deviation from my principles and normality. I
have done something grave and beyond the acceptance and tolerance of any
resistant soul. I apologize for messing up with a peaceful soul that has always
kept me alive.
However, I had no
choice other than being a hateful soul that I never even dreamt of. I had to
live my life because I couldn’t remain a neutral person. I had become sick of impatience
and had to go beyond everyone’s expectation. I am sorry that, I hurt her. I
hurt her trust and most importantly the hurt that hurts her hurts me, too.I
have been selfish and t despite the fact I couldn’t help her, I harmed her.
There was only this way left for me to rise again to my normality. My world was
annexed by the thoughts of her. Each day the pleasant thoughts of her played in
my heart, I suffered. I suffered because they were imaginary and unrealistic
You are aware of my life,
dear god! However, never did you inspire me to murder the love for her that grew in my heart.
Never did you give me an acceptable way to format her presence from my heart.
When nothing worked, I had to avail assistance from five poisons of our body. I
had to go against my principles. Only through that act, I feel I could delete
her from my life. I have created so much hatred in her that never ever will she
afford to disturb me with her goodness. This hatred grown in her will be my
strength to survive and live further.
Please god, forgive me
for my cruelty and scandal. She has no fault. The fault is mine and whatever
consequences I get, I am prepared to accept it. Punish me in whatever way I can
but let me have that courage to delete her from my mind. Give her the freedom
to have happiness in whatever ways she wants.
Thanking you,
Yours devotee
Prem.
14/10/2014
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