Random thoughts

In my dreams

In my little thought,

I seem sleeping on a never realizing future;

On a strewn carpet of waiting days

I stretch my legs and spread my hands

And rest my heart on the beats-

Beats that screen the design of my future,

Beats that take me into imagination

Like a galloping horse on a rough path.

But with each sun rise and sun set,

And each new day I seem closer,

Closer to the real world I desire for.

Paradoxical neighborhood; a situation of a city

Beneath a common edifice they dwell,

Of a shared roof

Of a Shared staircase,

Of a shared foundation

 That pillars sprout from

To stand and hold the entire dwelling

There are the tenants residing for ages

Together

At proximity of each other,

Yet strange they are to each other

 Cocooning Inside their own little world

With unshared words

And “who -cares -who –he- is attitude

Whereupon loneliness buzzing in

Amidst a crowd,

Amidst a good companion!

Heard are their voices,

Like a music playing from a stereotype

Every day

Yet like a beautiful song by an anonymous,

They know not whose vocal cord

Hums that beautiful song

Everyday.

Or like a deaf oldie

They go unheard

To each other

Everyday.

Your abstract existence

Mired feet of my mind into your thoughts

I remain screaming within

Never to be heard by anyone;

Swallowed are my voices

By the emptiness of your presence.

Like a hollowed trunk of a tree,

My being exists but like a living log

On a standing tree with withering roots.

When crepuscular light radiates from

Sunless sky, I look for you

Into the horizon

Into the fading light of the sky

Into the depth of my thoughts.

I know there is no you in me now,

Like there is no me in you

Or rather we don’t exist in each other,

Like we never have been parts;

Yet I am stuck in your thoughts

Into the deep hollowness of my sentiments

Into unforgettable memories of my life.

Towards dawn you lead me

Through my sleepless night

Through rugged journey of imagination,

And when I want to touch you

Like fading dew,

 You fade into thoughts again

And Like a sticky clay

Mired are my feet of thoughts in yours.

Of past

Of those times

When unicorns were alive

In the narration;

When the rumbling of sky meant war

Between god and devils;

When collection of local smoke butts

Entertained the innocence of timely

Thirst for games,

I fall prey to

 In thoughts,

In memories

As a throwback existence leap

Through the sight of my sensitive eyes.

Of those times,

When a bulk of lower notes

Meant the richness in value;

When mum would request for a meal

And order for washing hands;

When father would give old five Ngultrum

And caution for efficient use;

When hide and seek between

Little brother and me

Made our days,

I often go nostalgic

As flashbacks flash in me

As I feel the differences now.

Bygone days of life

It was those tough days of life that a great deal of ordeal succumbed our life. I don’t remember if I ever felt sad but I definitely do remember that I cried when nothing worked on our favor. My parents and I have seen the darkness of some times that enlisted the fate to be concealed. Perhaps, it was the unrevealed prophesy of the lord to have tasted that bitterness of time. My parents suffered more than I did for I was a I- don’t- know- what- is- happening boy. How would I even know then? For me, the boundary of world was just the places my legs have taken. I knew, as far as I am concerned, more about what a cow eats or how a goat can be tethered or when it should be fed with water than anything.

Like any poor chaps who must have seen the beauty of a village, I have been one such jinx. May be due to the result of taking birds dropping or random picking of butts of local cigarette  I knew   I should go to school only latter than any child nowadays knows.

I was already at the midst of 9^th years of age when I was enrolled in class pp. Getting into schools in those days was as competitive as getting a job now or tougher than this. There were many eligible children who were six or seven years old. My parents took me to school for admission when I was seven years old but I was rejected. Even when I was eight years old, I couldn’t get admission. Adding onto what was already a problem, the need to produce NOC was a major hurdle for us. My mum was in form 5, then, due to the delay in transferring her census in my father’s Gewog. My mum is from Bhangtar, indeed from the same Dzongkhag. (Form -5 is marked for those people whose wife is a foreigner, I think). Due to that small negligence on the part of my father, our census status was at stake.

No matter how much we begged to the principal, we were not favored. We bribed him as much as we could by supplying him rice and much stuff, still nothing worked. However, finally, in 1999, due to the god’s grace and the help of Dasho Dungpa,I got admission. By then, I was already a huge boy of 9 years age. Only few students were of my age and rest with the phlegm hanging like a thread form the nostrils. Because of my age, I used to hesitate to play games with the kids. I used to get ashamed because I was already an aged boy capable enough to think and feel what is wrong and right. May be due to the ability to feel shy, I avoided playing football in order not that I made mistake. I lagged in games since then.

At times I regret of my age. Had I been admitted into school at the age of six or seven like others, I would have been into job. Today, I stand with a degree at the age of 25 amongst those who are just 22 or 23.I feel, at times “odd one out’. Whatsoever, I am heavily indebted to my parents for all that I am. Had it not been for their struggle to enroll me into school, I wouldn’t have graduated yet.

With time, I have learned that, everything will get good. It happens what was to happen. Even in our life, we have a very limited control. Our life is just like the wheel, driver is the fate. As we move on in life, we become more contended.

The mismatch in our dreams

The mismatch in our dreams

Many of us, who we are today, are not the realization of what we have dreamt ourselves of. By defaults things just happen and we just become ready to get adjusted to it. At times it is like, closing the eyes and pointing at the place on the map randomly and claiming it was that we pointed at. Or rather like playing a game with “Inky minky ponky, father is a donkey” technique and whoever would be counted as doom would be the one who would serve as wished by the players in the team. Perhaps, what we have achieved must not be what our goals were. Perhaps what we have now must not be what we desired for. Somehow things happen in life. There are some things that, no matter how much we want to get it, we never get. There are, also things that we have never heard of but land up getting them easily.

Due to this, “the randomness of phenomenon”, our act and what others expect us of, do not match.

There have been great doctors, with vast knowledge but they have no patience. They deal harshly with the patients and land up getting bad feedbacks from them. The one who qualifies for medicines doesn’t necessary mean that it was their dream to b a doctor. Just because they obtained high marks in the some subjects, they are selected as medical students. Their desires and dispositions do not match with the employment they are taking up. This is the reason why many doctors in the world do not deserve to be it by their manners and attitudes towards their patients.

Even there are teachers, who land up being one, just because they had no option but to go for teacher training. A teacher needs patience in dealing with the students. Just knowing how much two plus two or “A-p-p-l-e is apple” doesn’t make him or her, a teacher. A teacher needs to know how to inspire and encourage others. Frightening the students with sticks or marks-sometimes saying if a student doesn’t do this, his/her mark will be deducted or if he/she argues with teacher, he/she will be expelled. A teacher is someone who can make a student feel guilty of a mistake but not make him feel violent.

Similarly there are many other professions that recruit wrong people. Just having a big head won’t bring success. There needs an interest in doing what we do.

Since my childhood, I always wanted to become a doctor. Even in the school, when the teachers asked us to introduce about ourselves they would scold us if we said we don’t have any ambitions. I used to proudly say that I wanted to become a doctor. Unfortunately, my dreams were shattered .Profession of doctor was beyond my imagination. I landed up taking sustainable development course. It was not my choice but was a chance when I failed to get what I wanted. Had I not chosen for this, I would not have made it for other courses. Today as I graduate with a good mark, I wonder what my interests are. I know I am not at all interested in what I have studied so far. I don’t know if I had a dream once but now I have lost trust in hopes and dreams. I don’t know what I like but I know that I don’t like what I have studied. I am poor in environment conservation, poor in public policy or crop production. In the search of identity, I lost myself. If I am placed as an environment conservationist as per my course, I am sure I will not make a good conservationist. I am lost within me. I am also like what many people are in this world.

No rule can bind a man if he desires

During my High school days. we were not allowed to use mobile phone in the school. We were not even allowed to bring it in the school. This situation added further up to the worst one when one day my principal read a circular from the secretary for Ministry of Education, in the assembly. Such news came to many of us, who had just seen mobile phone, as an Import sanction by India to Bhutan. I had just started using phone, then. When I qualified for class eleven, my parents bought me one phone. Until then, I had just seen how mobile phones were but never had an opportunity to use much.
It was announced in the assembly that if anyone of us possessed mobile phone, it would be ceased. Yes it happened that way. Even some phones were broken on the spot by the principal. Those phones which were ceased remained a mystery? Wasn’t that cruel act? How can a school’s Bye-law forbid the constitution rights of a citizen?
I feel the school could have framed a flexible rule in which phones were collected on weeks and allowed to use it on weekends? What harm would it do if it was done that way? After all how can the human right be violated to that extent?
However, despite such restriction could school stop people from using phone? Never! It couldn’t! There were many students-friends of mine who used phone every day. Among them was I, who used phone almost every day. I took it during the assembly time also. Such rules were there, but it never could touch a single strand of hair of mine. Similarly there were many who escaped such harsh consequences if seen. I browsed facebook, played music and made calls at my own will. Such rule made me feel the specialty of phone. It was the sweetest moment ever in life .No rules can ever forbid if we desir