Death shall come

Death shall come

One day you shall hear the news;

Perhaps it will be good for some heart

Perhaps it will be bad for few

Yet there certainly shall be one.

Expect it not through the radio or TV

Not even through news paper

For I am not a celebrity

Or a politician

Nor am I a business tycoon.

Normal man like me shall exit

From this world where I entered.

Ask not if I am sick

Ask not if I am old,

I am normal like you

Active

Dynamic

Zealous and

 In me is a desire to survive for long,

In me is a reluctance feeling

Yet there will come a time,

I shall bid adieu forever.

I wish to exist and

Be part of you for some time,

For I have dreams to fulfill

I have destination to reach

Yet I shall not be held back

For what is greater than fate?

Death shall come and drag

And fate shall sing my valediction.

My love letter to her

Dear  concerned

I wanted to let you know this before  yet I couldn’t do. I want to let you know this, today, before anything happens to me that will make unable to reach this message to you. I know whatever I did to you- the extent of abuse was beyond the limit yet you never told me anything. You never responded in a harsh manner. Overcome by the intoxication of infatuation and sense of possessiveness, I was spoilt. I thought the feelings that I had for you was love and accordingly tended to trouble you day and night. At times I have disrupted your peace by my presence. In one way or the other, I have caused you all sort of inconveniences in your life.

I also would like to let you know that I had an immense feeling for you. Time to time I had let you know that, too.I always thought about you. In whatever work I engaged in, there wasn’t moment I didn’t think of you. My life was spoilt. I couldn’t concentrate in my studies. I was all the time with your thoughts. Each night before I went to bed, I used to look at my phone waiting for your goodnight wishes. At times I used to wait for the response of my message. You know, you would just never respond. This expectation would kill me hard and gradually I became weak. I used to wake up early in the morning and get indulged into your thoughts.

Sometimes when you talked to your friends while visiting our block, my ears would curiously wait to eavesdrop you. I waited you to visit my room sometimes but you hardly would do so. I remember you coming twice and then never. I felt so happy at those two times of your visit. I would expect more of it. Many a times I asked you to make dinner for me. It wasn’t that I wanted to trouble you but I wanted to be with you at least for some time. My intentions were never to cause you inconveniences but to feel you sitting just next to you. You must have observed that I never could take much food. It wasn’t that I was ashamed but just to have your presence was more than enough. That way I was crazy upon you and wanted you to know that. I know you must have known that yet you never showed a sign of reciprocating my feelings. I waited for a day when you would say you started feeling for me.

In wait for that day, a year passed yet you showed no feeling for me. I wasn’t angry but felt hurt. I knew that my feelings were one-sided and that to wait for you was like expecting miracle to happen. You must not have known how toughness ruled me then. Before I let you know my feelings I tried taking pills. I was mentally disturbed and suffered from depression and OCD.I was constantly thinking of you. I approached my uncle who is a Psychiatrist for the treatment. I took pills for two months and still that didn’t make me alright.I had to confess you that I fell for you. Other than you, whom could I say this? So I told you about my feelings.

One day around October 10 or so, I showed other side of my reality. I abused you and hurt you with vulgar words. I never intended to do so but it seemed to me that you had turn off chat for me. I sent to you several messages but you never responded any. I saw you chatting with my friends while bothering me the least. I was literally hurt. I couldn’t control my tears. I was alone in my room and having so many kinds of feelings and thoughts. I became mad. Once you’re responded me and then I started chatting with you that led to abusing you. I thought I better abused you and earned hatred because your goodness and silence were causing me trouble. Once I abused you with vulgar, I knew you would hate me and point out my  weaknesses. I knew you would block me from face book and delete my phone number. I knew you would tell me not to contact you and message you,. Our distance would be fading and would become longer. I predicted that and yes even wanted that to happen. It happened and you started hating me. I wanted it. Yet did you ever know and even try to know how guilty I felt. That night I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking of our good times and your goodness.  However my abusive words had already made you hate me, you would never come towards me. Our closeness faded and the way you thought of me changed. I became villain in your eyes. Later that night around 1 A.M or so when I checked to see what I had written, I was already blocked and that I couldn’t view any messages. Gradually we became once again unknown and strange yet I could not hate you. My feelings were the same yet once  when I wrote  a message to you, you asked me  never to try messaging you . That held me back from contacting you. I tried calling but the time i dialed your number I would remember your warning and dared not to. Adding to being silent were the busy schedule of my life, Lots of assignments and research proposal made me indulged. Soon winter vacation started. You went away and I went away never to have you in my life.

Today I feel my craze and infatuations are squeezed off and I am a normal man now. I have become a love-phobic man yet I never have hated you. I don’t know if I can talk to you now but I definitely will make an attempt to talk to you after I go from here. Then, don’t expect me to disturb you but to appreciate your humanness. I never will propose you for I have no such worldly desires. I still admire you but i am sorry  for my time to think of life has come. If I wanted I could force you to listen to me by crying and troubling you. I can blackmail you sentimentally. When  i say  so, please don’t take it negatively. This is what just happens to many lovers. I have watched a good number of movies too. Our caste system comes in between and bars our union. We are different and thus I would never want to make you uncomfortable again.

Lastly but not the least, I ask you for the forgiveness. Please don’t take me wrongly in life.I shall still treat you the best person of life yet I shall change the angle from where I used to view.

Thanking you

Phenomena

I walk the road surveying each step,
And deep within me thoughts play.
Buds sleep sound on the lap of the plants
Blossoms dance grasping the pedicels:
As my eye sight strikes this phenomenon,
I remember one thing,
That i easily relate to the life:
Like the flowers,
Like the buds
Like the tender leaves
That disappear in Autumn
Come back in spring
Get matured in summer and
Embrace death in winter,
Our lives too have such phenomena-
Seasonal changes of partners,
season changes of car,
seasonal changes of the feelings
And when winter of life comes,
Embrace death.

into the past

I sit and mull over the past;
No!I am not thinking of you
Nor i hate to see you in my imaginations.
Playing with the thoughts that grow within
And see them die within,I recollect the past and summon the memories-
Like a repeated lightning ,they sparkle
within and the thunder of regrets
Rumbles over the night of my existence.
I see you in glances,
Slideshows,
And snapshots
of my thoughts
yet i find no reason to smile
For the roads on which my innocent feelings
trod and mired upon the puddles of circumstances,
are demolished-
Lichens and weeds
Boulders and thorns
Thickets and bushes
Of imaginations have taken over
And all i can do is sit down on my chair
Take each small sip of memories
And nourish my poverty-stricken heart.

Effect of love

Of what virtue must i sing about love?
Of what good must i say?
Eroded soil,
Degraded forest,
Neglected home,
Broken promises,
Back to back relation
Are but the ugly sides of it.
Of what beauty then must i portray of love?
Of what charms must i scribble here?
Mourning situation,
Desperate time,
Appetite loss,
Meaning less life,
Are but the effects of love.
Of what merit must i talk?
Of what divinity must i think of?
Lonely circumstances,
Paradoxical moments,
Depressed life,
Suicidal thoughts.
Are but the gifts of love.

The Autumn

Dedication:To all the mortals to remind that our lives are like the subjects of cruel Autumn.There is no spring as vivid as for nature yet we live intact life after life.

The selfish autumn when fate gives it a life
Takes away worth of existence.
Those ornaments of nature,
Along the thickets
Along the streets
Along the high ways
Along the rivers
When the curse of nature befall on them
Like a thunder
The departure marks
The farewell of gorgeous life:
The reign of silence and
The appearance of ugliness,
Albeit for short term, songs
Of absence of the soul of nature
Rings beep deep in our ears and
Nothing but when spring
comes next,world becomes golden brimmed again.

Our life bears its duplication,
When season changes from time to time,
And devil autumn rules the world
The death with its sack
Bait the snare
To abduct the immortals
Away to the strange place.
Like the dress of nature
We shed our breathe and fade
Into nothingness and
Our presence become a history.
Unlike the spring that gives life back to the nature
There is no vivid season in mortals
Unless when prophesy reveals
Another birth of our soul
We remain nowhere.
Yet we shall live in history,
In memories
In legends
And life after life;
Unlike the nature's green
we survive in books and pages.
We survive in the virtues
we painted the summer for myriad lives.
Yet we shall never hear our own history
Nor will we narrate ours own.

Prem K. Bhattarai
B.Sc Sustainable Development
CNR

Tribute to the past lovers

Of the past:Of those role models
I shall sing.
Of those divine souls that existed until the end;
Until when fate cheated them,
Until when the envy of cruel death
Eroded them into eternity.
They loved once.
Married once,
And settled once.
They pledged few oaths
yet nurtured until the nature revolted.
They met once but loved forever.
Holy drop of water
embodied love,then.
Oh! where has time dumped it,today?
Where has today postponed it's existence?
Destiny would shy away,they say,
By the power of a pinch of vermilion;
Dead would delay the expiry of feelings
Until when breathe betrayed the body.
Wrinkles and scars spoiled but nothing;
Beauty or ugly,
Good or bad times
Arguments or agreements
were but the slaves of those hearts
For they destroyed nothing.
Charms and miracles survived
In the typical way love was accepted;
Bliss and fortunes grew as two committed souls aged.
Together they cried,laughed and pushed
Evils that attempted
and barred their ways.
Devil bowed down in their meeting
And love sang while trust danced.
Divine survived everywhere
in the home
in the field
And in the heart of the lovers.
Of that blessed era:Of that little world
I remind you.