My identity

In me if you look with your eyes,

Nothing can you see,

Nothing can you find;

Stained in black dye of skin,

With bulging eye balls,

Dark growing beards and

Non- uniform tufts of moustache,

Pointed tip of nose,

With fading hair from the forehead,

And stammering speech

I fit into the description of any observer.

Yet if you listen to me and

My speech

You shall fathom me well;

I am that soul, which exists with hurry,

With a dream at heart

And a conscience that rules.

Sometimes I become like a aggressive dog

Like growling at a found bone;

Or if you observe carefully,

I become like an enlightened saint

With a kindness at heart!

Well…I have both the extremities

Yet I am not only what you see,

I am many more within.

My thought

As crepuscular light falls on the thickets,

After the dominating rays of sun,

There is a crescendo heard within me

Lamenting the departure of the day;

And when stars and moon dance in the sky

Emerging from the heart of dusk,

I sense a parting of someone

 Bosom friend

Or rather like a soul that was attached

To me for yonks.

Random thoughts

In my dreams

In my little thought,

I seem sleeping on a never realizing future;

On a strewn carpet of waiting days

I stretch my legs and spread my hands

And rest my heart on the beats-

Beats that screen the design of my future,

Beats that take me into imagination

Like a galloping horse on a rough path.

But with each sun rise and sun set,

And each new day I seem closer,

Closer to the real world I desire for.

Paradoxical neighborhood; a situation of a city

Beneath a common edifice they dwell,

Of a shared roof

Of a Shared staircase,

Of a shared foundation

 That pillars sprout from

To stand and hold the entire dwelling

There are the tenants residing for ages

Together

At proximity of each other,

Yet strange they are to each other

 Cocooning Inside their own little world

With unshared words

And “who -cares -who –he- is attitude

Whereupon loneliness buzzing in

Amidst a crowd,

Amidst a good companion!

Heard are their voices,

Like a music playing from a stereotype

Every day

Yet like a beautiful song by an anonymous,

They know not whose vocal cord

Hums that beautiful song

Everyday.

Or like a deaf oldie

They go unheard

To each other

Everyday.

Your abstract existence

Mired feet of my mind into your thoughts

I remain screaming within

Never to be heard by anyone;

Swallowed are my voices

By the emptiness of your presence.

Like a hollowed trunk of a tree,

My being exists but like a living log

On a standing tree with withering roots.

When crepuscular light radiates from

Sunless sky, I look for you

Into the horizon

Into the fading light of the sky

Into the depth of my thoughts.

I know there is no you in me now,

Like there is no me in you

Or rather we don’t exist in each other,

Like we never have been parts;

Yet I am stuck in your thoughts

Into the deep hollowness of my sentiments

Into unforgettable memories of my life.

Towards dawn you lead me

Through my sleepless night

Through rugged journey of imagination,

And when I want to touch you

Like fading dew,

 You fade into thoughts again

And Like a sticky clay

Mired are my feet of thoughts in yours.

Of past

Of those times

When unicorns were alive

In the narration;

When the rumbling of sky meant war

Between god and devils;

When collection of local smoke butts

Entertained the innocence of timely

Thirst for games,

I fall prey to

 In thoughts,

In memories

As a throwback existence leap

Through the sight of my sensitive eyes.

Of those times,

When a bulk of lower notes

Meant the richness in value;

When mum would request for a meal

And order for washing hands;

When father would give old five Ngultrum

And caution for efficient use;

When hide and seek between

Little brother and me

Made our days,

I often go nostalgic

As flashbacks flash in me

As I feel the differences now.

Bygone days of life

It was those tough days of life that a great deal of ordeal succumbed our life. I don’t remember if I ever felt sad but I definitely do remember that I cried when nothing worked on our favor. My parents and I have seen the darkness of some times that enlisted the fate to be concealed. Perhaps, it was the unrevealed prophesy of the lord to have tasted that bitterness of time. My parents suffered more than I did for I was a I- don’t- know- what- is- happening boy. How would I even know then? For me, the boundary of world was just the places my legs have taken. I knew, as far as I am concerned, more about what a cow eats or how a goat can be tethered or when it should be fed with water than anything.

Like any poor chaps who must have seen the beauty of a village, I have been one such jinx. May be due to the result of taking birds dropping or random picking of butts of local cigarette  I knew   I should go to school only latter than any child nowadays knows.

I was already at the midst of 9^th years of age when I was enrolled in class pp. Getting into schools in those days was as competitive as getting a job now or tougher than this. There were many eligible children who were six or seven years old. My parents took me to school for admission when I was seven years old but I was rejected. Even when I was eight years old, I couldn’t get admission. Adding onto what was already a problem, the need to produce NOC was a major hurdle for us. My mum was in form 5, then, due to the delay in transferring her census in my father’s Gewog. My mum is from Bhangtar, indeed from the same Dzongkhag. (Form -5 is marked for those people whose wife is a foreigner, I think). Due to that small negligence on the part of my father, our census status was at stake.

No matter how much we begged to the principal, we were not favored. We bribed him as much as we could by supplying him rice and much stuff, still nothing worked. However, finally, in 1999, due to the god’s grace and the help of Dasho Dungpa,I got admission. By then, I was already a huge boy of 9 years age. Only few students were of my age and rest with the phlegm hanging like a thread form the nostrils. Because of my age, I used to hesitate to play games with the kids. I used to get ashamed because I was already an aged boy capable enough to think and feel what is wrong and right. May be due to the ability to feel shy, I avoided playing football in order not that I made mistake. I lagged in games since then.

At times I regret of my age. Had I been admitted into school at the age of six or seven like others, I would have been into job. Today, I stand with a degree at the age of 25 amongst those who are just 22 or 23.I feel, at times “odd one out’. Whatsoever, I am heavily indebted to my parents for all that I am. Had it not been for their struggle to enroll me into school, I wouldn’t have graduated yet.

With time, I have learned that, everything will get good. It happens what was to happen. Even in our life, we have a very limited control. Our life is just like the wheel, driver is the fate. As we move on in life, we become more contended.