“Zindagi
ki nindoki shuba ishq hai”(Love is the morning of life).
“Badi khubu suratsi saza ishq hai”.(Love is
the penalty for beauty).
”Hum ko
pyaar huwa,puri hiwi duwa”(I am in love and materialized my dreams and desires).
As I lie
on my cold bed with the layers of blankets above me and listen to this song,
flashback takes me to those days when my elder brother used to be away from home.
He used to visit home sometimes during his break. The time when we (My younger brother
and I) would hear his coming, we would jump hither and thither with
excitements. It was not with expectations of sweets. It was not for anything I
can remember. Yet some strange and unfathomable feelings would cause some excitements
us. The news of his coming would keep us zealous the whole day.
When he
came home from his schools and college, my younger brother and I used to go
until the nearest bazaar where the vehicle would stop just to help him carry
his luggage. Plunging his left hand into the jeans pants’ pocket he would take
out his purse to sponsor us some stuffs to eat. Carrying his luggage, we would
reach home and then quickly unfasten the zips of the bags to look for I don’t
–know- things
Within
few hours of his arrival home, our conflicts would start and endless quarrel
would start. Sometimes stimulated by the he –would- do the work notion, we
would fight and then stop talking for some time. While sometimes, calling each
other by the nicknames, we would debate and then again land up exchanging
blows. I admit that I used to be and still am quite stubborn for things I am
provoked with. In that context I used to scare him with the knife.
The true
thing to tell is that, my parents used to hate me when my brother would be
home. My actions and reactions would cause these feelings in them. Perhaps, at
time they wish that I was not there among them. Perhaps they were angry with
me. Whatever it is, one thing was clear that they disliked my presence and me.
My parents would never scold my elder brother.
Soon his
holidays would finish and then time would come for him to leave for school.
When there was few days left, he would be the most friendly and generous
person. He would talk very nicely. He would use sugary words and then allocate works.
He would let us listen to the music in his mobile for he would only have
mobile. Later I also could buy one.
It is
during one of such occasions when he was to leave the next day; I heard this
song that made me sentimental. I wanted this song get transferred to me. However
that day he said he was busy and that he would transfer in the morning. Soon it
was morning 3 A.M and he was to leave at 4 A.M to Phuntsholing to his college.
Everyone woke up to bid farewell. Mum prepared tea and we were sipping it. My
brother asked.” where is your mobile? Open the Bluetooth, I will send you the
song you asked for”. I had almost forgotten but he had remembered. I was moved
by his action.
That day
he left early but remaining with me was this song that he made me sentimental
for the whole day until for few days. As soon as I used to play this song, I
would feel strangled and difficult to breathe. Such used to be some days of
life. I used to miss him.
Today,
we are apart literally. We have become different. We have grown up into
different versions of the same source. His aims in life are different. Perhaps
he has no time to think about us. Perhaps he is busy with his social and
economic life. We remain no more the same. He must have been busy drawing
schedule for his own life. I don’t remember him much. At times when I call him
on phone, he would pick up and say he is busy. At times he scolds me and asks rhetoric
questions that make me go mad. My hope for him gets lost and I feel that I
should not call him. I know he is a moody person who keeps changing his mood
all the time. When he is happy he makes call to me and shares the good news. I
don’t care at all. If he calls me I will definitely receive and feel happy for
his happiness. I will laugh for his happiness and cry for his sadness. If he
doesn’t call, I shall be the same. After all he is my brother. I know he loves
me and cares for me.
